• Home
  • Audio/Podcasts
  • Austensites
  • AV/E-Texts
  • History
  • Links
  • Novels
  • Original Sources/19th C. Texts
  • Social Customs During the Regency
  • Teacher/Student
  • Writer/Literature Resources

Jane Austen's World

This Jane Austen blog brings Jane Austen, her novels, and the Regency Period alive through food, dress, social customs, and other 19th C. historical details related to this topic.

Feeds:
Posts
Comments
« Small Island: A Review (PBS Masterpiece Classic)
Jane Austen Quotes »

Mansfield Park and Mummies, or Whist With a Twist: A Review (of Sorts)

April 20, 2010 by Vic

Whilst Mansfield Park is overrun by mummies and Fanny Price is being seduced by a princely corpse who was embalmed and buried 2,000 years ago, we join a select party playing whist at the Assembly Rooms in Bath. Sir Walter Elliot, Mrs. Elton, Mrs. Bennet and Mrs. Jennings are in deep discussion about the ghoulish goings on in Britain, for their Society has been decimated in the span of a few short years. Except for the demise of great swaths of the populace, Sir Walter would normally never have found himself spending two hours with people of such low connections. Not one to give up an opportunity to show off his fine gaming skills, Sir Walter graciously agreed to make up a fourth at cards.

Of the group, he had only made a tentative acquaintance with Mrs. Jenkins, an unrefined woman whose fortune was her only saving grace. The others were all unknown to him, which was not surprising. Mrs. Elton, although handsome of form and face, was even more vulgar than Mrs. Jennings, if such a thing were possible, for she also had the misfortune of being a mere clergyman’s wife. Mrs. Bennet’s behavior was beyond the pale. Although she could boast of some connections and had once possessed a beauty that would have attracted his connoisseur’s eye, he could only compare her mind to that of a simpleton’s. How Mr. Bennet could put up with her ceaseless and inane prattle was beyond his comprehension. Sir Walter’s only satisfaction at present lay in the fact that he was winning every rubber and that he looked resplendent in his new jacket and waistcoat.

He turned to Mrs. Jennings and asked politely, “How are the Miss Dashwoods and Mrs. Dashwood getting on?”

“Not well, my dear, Sir Walter, not well at all. A most unfortunate INFESTATION of deadly sea creatures and crustaceans has RUINED our ponds and waters, especially those around Barton Cottage. The ladies Dashwood must be ever vigilant against deadly tentacles wrapping themselves around an innocent limb, lest they be pulled into the waters and DROWNED. They must also guard their virtues from the murderous Colonel Brandon, whose face is designed to disgust. He is not what he appeared to be at first, I assure you.”

“WE do not have such slithery goings on in Highbury or Plymouth,” said Mrs. Elton primly. “In my opinion, these outbreaks must be in some way connected to LICENTIOUS behavior.”

Mrs. Bennet’s nostrils flared at this pronouncement. “Well, if it were not for my dear girls, whose fighting skills are legendary, Meryton must have succumbed to the undead plague long ago. T’is quite uncomfortable to be living in a region where corpses come to life and seek out one’s brain for sustenance.” Shivering delicately, she pulled her Norwich shawl around her. “I recall a dreadful ball at Netherfield Park where the cooks preparing dinner BECAME dinner. My poor Lizzie’s ball gown was torn to shreds as she lopped off the heads and limbs of those horrid creatures in order to save the rest of the assembly.”

“Nay, never!” Mrs. Elton could not contain her excitement. Gossip was her strong suit, and the sharing of it her vocation. Besides, she adored tales filled with blood and gore.

Sir Walter, concentrating on his cards, wished the conversation had not taken this deplorable turn. He was, however, a gentleman first and foremost, and thus he kept silent. If he played his cards right and allowed his opponents to continue to prattle, he would win this hand. If only Mrs. Bennet, his partner, would pay some attention to his discards.

Mrs. Jennings, who was in possession of a scrumptious scrap of knowledge that served no purpose until it was spread far and wide, crowed. “Indeed, t’is true. I understand from a dear old acquaintance, Mrs Norris, that mummies have overtaken Mansfield Park. It seems that her sister, Lady Bertram, evoked some ancient Egyptian INCANTATION and brought them to life.”

Thinking of her two remaining unmarried girls, Mrs. Bennet inquired a tad too eagerly, “Pray tell. what are the mummies’ backgrounds? How far do their families go back?”

“Thousands of years, my dear Mrs. Bennet. The pedigree of these creatures would put Sir Walter’s lineage to shame.”

Sir Walter bristled. No one’s lineage could touch the noble ancestry of the Elliots of Kellynch Hall.

“What of their lands? Their fortunes?” Mrs. Elton asked.

“I believe, said Mrs. Jennings, a closet Blue Stocking, “that their entire fortunes are entombed with them.”

“That is most regrettable,” Sir Walter said, thinking of his eldest unmarried, Elizabeth, whose good looks were withering and dessicating with every moment that passed beyond her prime. He despaired of her ever finding a husband who would suit the Elliots’ exacting standards.

Mrs. Jennings eyes gleamed with the cheap shine of a newly minted shilling. “I understand that the creatures have recently begun to stir again.” She reached for her reticule and retrieved a letter from Mrs. Norris, an odd woman whose acquaintance she had made in Lyme: ‘T’is the strangest phenomenon, my dear Mrs. Jennings,” she read aloud. “For whilst these creatures at first looked quite ungainly and ragged, and lumbered about the countryside walking into trees and emerging from the bushes like so many cavemen, they are starting to look better and better with each passing day. Whilst the mummies are coming to life, our servants have not fared half so well, some disappearing for hours and experiencing lapses in memory that puzzle us exceedingly. I find the Pharaoh startlingly handsome despite the unfortunate fact that his skin is as swarthy as, well, an Egyptian’s! His Eminence is apparently unmarried and looking for a CONSORT.”

The card players stopped playing. Silence lay as heavy in the room as the stone lid of a sarcophagus.

Sir Walter mentally began to formulate a plan that would place his Elizabeth in the path of this lofty, though foreign personage. Handsome, rich, and well connected were the only qualities he sought for a son-in-law. Who cared if his skin was tanned and leathery?

Mrs. Bennet’s shrill voice cut through the tomb-like atmosphere, “T’is a wonder that there are any eligible men left in England at all. My two middle girls are still unmarried, but those detestable zombies have eaten practically all the heads off every young male within three counties. Mr. Bennet and I have considered moving to the Colonies in order to provide for them, matrimonially speaking, of course.” Her thoughts automatically turned to Mr. Collins and that cheap golddigging Charlottte Lucas, whose behavior and manner of speech had become exceedingly strange of late.

Mrs. Elton’s silence did not go unnoticed by herself. She was accustomed to insinuating her opinion into every discussion, but neither Highbury nor Plymouth had been the destinations of choice for the ghouls, demons, and crustaceans that had overrun every nook and cranny of her beloved England! It went against her grain to be mum on any subject, and thus she spoke, “I and the Sucklings are Egyptologists of sorts. Mummy wrappings should be made of the most sturdy linen, for the cloth must survive untold generations of burial. I suggest, Sir Walter, that you meet with your tailor to discuss where you can obtain a cloth of a similar…”

A shriek pierced the assembly hall dance rooms. Above the din, Isabella Thorpe’s voice could be heard crying, “John, oh, John! What have they DONE to your head!? Where are your brains?”

Mrs. Bennet leaped up, scattering the cards on the table, which disconcerted Sir Walter to no end, for he was about to win the rubber …. “I must fetch Lizzie immediately! The zombies have arrived in Bath and we shall require her warrior skills!”

“But I protest!,” cried Mrs. Jennings. “We were speaking of MUMMIES!! T’is not fair that the zombies are taking center stage again! Why is it that they receive ALL the attention, whilst the mummies are getting none?”

Mrs. Elton turned to Mrs. Jennings, “According to Mrs. Norris, they are starting to GAIN GROUND. T’will be up to you, dear madam, to spread the word about Mansfield Park and Mummies as successfully as those Quirk Book upstarts, who have promoted the UNDEAD virally via Web 2.0. Perhaps you should solicit the aid of Vera Nazarian and that vulgar creature, Vic, who oversees that tasteless blog, Jane Austen’s World.”

“Well, if I must,” replied Mrs. Jennings, unhappy with the thought of having to exert herself on anyone’s behalf , especially after her experience with Marianne Dashwood, a most disastrous guest and watering pot. “One would think that people would be as intrigued with Mummies as with Zombies. It’s six of one or a half dozen of the other, if you ask me.”

Sir Walter scraped his chair back and bid his adieu. He would hie home to collect his Elizabeth, and whilst the assembly was preoccupied with staving off the zombies, he would take his daughter to Mansfield Park and place her in the Pharaoh’s way in a most COMPROMISING situation.

Gentle Reader: I have just finished reading Mansfield Park and Mummies and must admit that, much to my surprise, I kept turning the pages and reading the book. Goodness, but I enjoyed this fun romp. While I know that these kinds of books are not for everyone, I feel comfortable recommending Mansfield Park and Mummies to those who would like to take the PLUNGE and read their first Jane Austen mash-up. For those who have not read my interview with Vera Nazarian, please click here. She even made writing the novel sound like fun.

Add to DeliciousAdd to DiggAdd to FaceBookAdd to Google BookmarkAdd to MySpaceAdd to NewsvineAdd to RedditAdd to StumbleUponAdd to TechnoratiAdd to Twitter

Share with others:

  • Click to email this to a friend (Opens in new window)
  • Click to print (Opens in new window)
  • Click to share on Facebook (Opens in new window)
  • Click to share on Reddit (Opens in new window)
  • Click to share on Twitter (Opens in new window)
  • Click to share on Pinterest (Opens in new window)
  • Click to share on Tumblr (Opens in new window)
  • Click to share on LinkedIn (Opens in new window)

Like this:

Like Loading...

Related

Posted in Austenesque novels, Book review, jane austen, Jane Austen's World, Popular culture | Tagged Jane Austen Mashups, Mansfield Park and Mummies, Vera Nazarian | 5 Comments

5 Responses

  1. on April 20, 2010 at 03:09 Elizabeth K

    I really enjoyed Mansfield Park and Mummies also. Just a good read! I am currently reading Emma and the Werewolves. What a concept! I wonder what Jane would have to say? Would she feel as the character in Jane Bites Back does? That was another good read.


  2. on April 20, 2010 at 10:00 Meredith R.

    You captured this silly foursome just right! Fun review, and thanks for the laughs. You almost tempt me to pick up the book.


  3. on April 20, 2010 at 10:42 Jane Travers

    Excellent! That was terribly enjoyable. I put “Zombies” down half-way through; now I might just pick it up again. As well as “Mummies” and “Sea-monsters”!

    Don’t know about were-wolves though. That might be a bridge too far. ;)


  4. on April 20, 2010 at 17:35 Elizabeth Kerri Mahon

    Since Mansfield Park is my least favorite Jane Austen, the addition of a few mummies might be welcome.


  5. on April 21, 2010 at 10:07 Vidya

    Sounds like fun reading! I just finished Jane Bites Back and it was fun read too. I could read another book like that, it was nothing like Sea Monster which I had to put down after the first chapter. Let me see if I can pick a copy of Mummies from my library…



Comments are closed.

  • Enter your email address to subscribe to this blog and receive notifications of new posts by email.

    Join 6,764 other followers

  • Follow Jane Austen's World on WordPress.com
  • Blog Stats

    • 14,863,373 hits
  • Britain’s Black Past

    For those of us who watched Bridgerton on Netflix, Professor Gretchen Holbrook Gerzina’s BBC 4 Radio discussions on this topic will provide a rich background. The author of Black London has recorded 12 episodes on the topic for BBC 4 radio. Click on this link to view and choose them.

    If you’d like the hear one of her talks, here’s a 15-minute discussion on The Invisible Presence.

    Queen Charlotte by Alan Ramsay, Google Art Project

  • Jane Austen: Myth, Reality and Global Celebrity–Free Online Course

    University of Southampton via Future Learn offers a course described as thus: “Discover the fascinating story of author Jane Austen, from her own life in Hampshire to what she means to a global audience today.”

    Having taken several Future Learn courses, I can attest that they are excellent. Click here to sign up for this 3-week course.

  • The Obituary of Charlotte Collins by Andrew Capes

    Click on image to read the story.

  • Comments

    “My idea of good company…is the company of clever, well-informed people, who have a great deal of conversation.” – Jane Austen, Persuasion

     

    Gentle readers: Please feel free to post your comments and continue the conversation!

    Regretfully, due to SPAMMERS, we will no longer accept comments on posts that were published over 30 days ago. In some instances, links will be removed from comments as well.

  • Administrators and Contributors

    Vic Sanborn, founder of this blog, is supported by a team of talented and knowledgeable writers about Jane Austen and the Regency era. They are:

    • Tony Grant,
    • Brenda Cox, and
    • Rachel Dodge.

    Click on their names to enter their own blogs.

    In addition, we thank the many experts and authors who frequently contribute their posts and opinions, and who continue to do so freely or at our request.

  • The Anne of Green Gables Devotional by Rachel Dodge, one of this blog’s writers!

    Find a book  description and order information on Rachel Dodge’s website. Click on this link.

    Find a review of the book by Brenda Cox, another JAW author, on her website. Click on this link.

  • Pin It!

    Follow Me on Pinterest
  • Top Posts

    • Highclere Castle Floor Plan: The Real Downton Abbey
      Highclere Castle Floor Plan: The Real Downton Abbey
    • Social Customs During the Regency
      Social Customs During the Regency
    • The Servant's Quarters in 19th Century Country Houses Like Downton Abbey
      The Servant's Quarters in 19th Century Country Houses Like Downton Abbey
    • Men's hair styles at the turn of the 19th century
      Men's hair styles at the turn of the 19th century
    • You can watch Persuasion 2007 online
      You can watch Persuasion 2007 online
    • Regency Fashion: Men's Breeches, Pantaloons, and Trousers
      Regency Fashion: Men's Breeches, Pantaloons, and Trousers
    • Regency Hygiene: The Bourdaloue
      Regency Hygiene: The Bourdaloue
    • Pride and Prejudice Economics: Or Why a Single Man with a Fortune of £4,000 Per Year is a Desirable Husband
      Pride and Prejudice Economics: Or Why a Single Man with a Fortune of £4,000 Per Year is a Desirable Husband
    • Dressing for the Netherfield Ball in Pride and Prejudice: Regency Fashion
      Dressing for the Netherfield Ball in Pride and Prejudice: Regency Fashion
    • Dancing at the Netherfield Ball: Pride and Prejudice
      Dancing at the Netherfield Ball: Pride and Prejudice
  • Recent Posts

    • Turnspit Dogs
    • JANE AUSTEN’S SURREY: The Novels as Inspiration by Tony Grant
    • Captain Wentworth’s Love Letter
    • Twenty Book suggestions with Annotations from the Jane Austen’s World’s Writing Team
    • Jane Austen and Samuel Johnson’s Dictionary
  • Bookmark

    Add to DeliciousAdd to DiggAdd to FaceBookAdd to Google BookmarkAdd to MySpaceAdd to NewsvineAdd to RedditAdd to StumbleUponAdd to TechnoratiAdd to Twitter
  • Links to Jane Austen Blogs

    Click here to enter the page. Topics include Regency fashion, historic foods, Jane Austen societies, British sites, related topics. Click on image.

  • Find Jane Austen on Google

  • This blog has no commercial purpose

    Our team makes no profit off this blog. We may receive books (physical or digitized) and CDs for review.

  • Hello, my name is Vic and I live in Maryland, USA. I have adored Jane Austen almost all of my life. I am a proud lifetime member of the Jane Austen Society of North America. This blog is a personal blog written and edited by me and my team. We do not accept any form of cash advertising, sponsorship, or paid topic insertions. However, we do accept and keep books and CDs to review.

    If you would like to share a new site, or point out an error, please email us. (Yes, we are fallible. We'll own up to our mistakes and will make the corrections with a polite smile on our faces.) Write us at

    gmailbw

    Thank you for visiting this blog. Your comments and suggestions are most welcome.

  • Copyright Statement

    © Jane Austen’s World blog, 2010-2021. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owners is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Jane Austen’s World with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

  • Top Posts & Pages

    • Highclere Castle Floor Plan: The Real Downton Abbey
    • Social Customs During the Regency
    • The Servant's Quarters in 19th Century Country Houses Like Downton Abbey
    • Men's hair styles at the turn of the 19th century
    • You can watch Persuasion 2007 online
    • Regency Fashion: Men's Breeches, Pantaloons, and Trousers
    • Regency Hygiene: The Bourdaloue
    • Pride and Prejudice Economics: Or Why a Single Man with a Fortune of £4,000 Per Year is a Desirable Husband
    • Dressing for the Netherfield Ball in Pride and Prejudice: Regency Fashion
    • Dancing at the Netherfield Ball: Pride and Prejudice
  • Page copy protected against web site content infringement by Copyscape

Blog at WordPress.com.

WPThemes.


Cancel

 
Loading Comments...
Comment
    ×
    loading Cancel
    Post was not sent - check your email addresses!
    Email check failed, please try again
    Sorry, your blog cannot share posts by email.
    %d bloggers like this: